Finally told "everyone"

Ok, so I hadn’t told exactly “everyone” at work that needed to know I am pregnant. I finally got up the guts to tell my manager yesterday. I truly don’t know why it took me so long to tell her I am expecting. I guess I kept thinking maybe I would have a meeting with her about something and tell her in person. Or one of my projects would require me to use a rad source and I would need to declare pregnancy to start monthly dosimeter exchanges and she would have to sign off on it. It isn’t because I thought she would be upset, I don’t fear for my job, she has three kids of her own, she gets it.

I have said it before, I am just not good at going up to people and announcing “guess what, I am pregnant”. Then this is compounded by the fact that I plain just don’t see my manager. Like ever. I work in an offsite area and she works even more offsite. I don’t routinely drive to her building, nor she to mine. She has been in my office exactly once in the nearly two years she has been my manager. She happened to have a meeting in my building and didn’t know where the conference room was and like many people (thanks to my office locale), happened to wander directly to my office for advice.

Today I realized that I am coming upon the 12 week mark when it really is no longer a secret. Then my old manager’s admin came by my office to tell me she heard my good news and congratulations! (Paula is doing her job. I was successful in my delegation.) It dawned on me that as word is getting around; I really need to tell my manager so she doesn’t hear through the grapevine, no matter how removed from the grapevine I perceive her to be. Ok, so it didn’t exactly dawn on me… I knew it, but AB was persistent in reminding me.

I sat down yesterday and e-mailed her telling her I am pregnant, but did not expect my work to be affected up until I go out on leave in mid-March, and also reassuring her that I will at that point, like I did with my first, have delegated all my duties in time for my leave. Ok, so it was easy. She e-mailed back a congratulations. Check another thing off my to do list.

August 28: 11 weeks 1 day

This past week really flew by. Before I know it I will be finishing up my first trimester! In one sense it has really flown by, in another I am thinking, “It’s about time!” My morning sickness is letting up a little. It isn’t so vital that I get that Zofran into my system immediately upon waking up. I have two little magic pills left and am hoping that I won’t “need” to get anymore. They are just so expensive, and yes, I have insurance. But still, I am money conscious and $400 of my insurance companies money is not something I want to just spend willy nilly either.

Not a lot to report today. My next exam is in two weeks and I am anxiously awaiting hearing the heartbeat. I still worry that there could be two in there. Not that I have any signs of twins (other than the nausea from hell) and twins don’t run in my family… but still I worry. The thought of paying for two in daycare pains me, three? That would just send me over the edge.

AB pulled my maternity clothes down from the attic this past week. About half of them are just plain bad, ugly. Lots are hand me downs from my SIL from her first and second summer babies. Others came from the only maternity “store” in the area while I was pregnant… JCPenneys. Cheap, but fugly. Cannot wear them. I am boxing them up and donating to Goodwill. Another 25% are pretty seriously summer clothes. I might get a little wear out of the short sleeved shirts. But when the weather starts to shift, I am a long sleeved person. The remaining 25% of clothes left will probably work for me for at least some time.

While pregnant with Leif I had some of the low rise, elastic waistband maternity clothes. I found them horrible and could not stand them. Funny though, now I realize what that type of pants are really meant for… this early phase. They would not stay up when I was pregnant with Leif and I am now realizing, I was just too big for them then. I have added the two pairs of Capri pants with the low elastic waist to my current rotation and have found myself very pleased with them.

I am seriously lacking on good long (not Capri) pants for this fall as well as long sleeved shirts and a nice outfit or two. I have a holiday dress and sweater that I bought when I was pregnant with Leif for a ridiculously low price. It was so inexpensive that I didn’t even care that I may not have an occasion to wear it to while pregnant with him. But I was reassured in the fact that IF I should have an event requiring a nice dress, I had one. Oh and I also have the maternity tights to go with.

I was seriously happy about the return of my Mimi maternity undies. I forgot how seriously wonderful they are. I may have to pick up another set. I had completely forgotten about the two Mimi bras I had as well. Yay!

So my plan is that since I won’t be buying much in the way of baby goodies, that I *need* some seriously cute maternity clothes for this fall and winter. I can’t wait to go shopping!

Three heavenly words

Chicken pot pies

August 21, 2006: 10 weeks 1 day

I have finally surmounted the single digit weekly count. Ten weeks pregnant. Not yet out of the woods. But getting there. “They” say that when you have pregnancy symptoms you are less likely to experience a loss. And my pregnancy symptoms can’t be missed, by me or by those around me. Yeah, vomiting does that. As does the massive bloat that makes it nearly impossible to wear any of your regular pants despite the fact that you weigh less than you did ten weeks ago and that you truly are not actually showing.

However, given all this, I am still nervous and pray each night for a healthy viable pregnancy that yields a healthy baby boy or girl.

Last week I did end up telling Leif’s daycare that we are expecting. I was unprepared for how quickly news travels there and how many “congratulations” both AB and I received. At least this time around I shouldn’t have the wondering of “if” this baby will get into the Montessori school that Leif attends once he/she is one year old, since we will now have “priority” (a seriously coveted status that brings employees sworn to honesty to the brink of lying for a space). Yeah, I SWORE I wouldn’t buy into that type of hype either.

The morning sickness is improving. I don’t feel great, but I think about where I was a week ago, and I realize I am doing pretty stellar. Next week? Will the sickness be over next week? I am already starting to eat a wider variety of foods, although still quite bland. I got tired of vomiting Frosted Mini Wheats and have switched to Honey Bunches of Oats this weekend. While my stomach is thanking me, my hips are not… I could eat bowl after bowl of that stuff. Yeah… I am feeling better.

I have gained two pounds, so I am up to -3 lbs. I am hoping to go to my 13 week appointment and have maintained the same weight or gained one or two pounds as I was at my 8 week appointment (where I had just started losing weight). AB can’t wait for the 13 week appointment. That is the heartbeat appointment. It was to be week 12, but my doctor will be out of town, so one more week’s wait. Ugh. That week seems like eons away.

So nothing much has changed this last week. A little less sick, not showing yet and no real updates! All is well.

Spilling the beans

I spilled the news today. To the biggest blabber mouth that works in my division. I do like Paula, but man does word spread with her. Actually this was kind of on purpose. I am just so not good at walking up to people and telling them, “guess what, I am pregnant!” I am just not that type of person. So in practicing my good project management skills I delegated.

True to her type, within two hours my former team lead and current group member walked into my office to congratulate me on my exciting news! And yes, I did tell the people that I really wanted to share the news with first in person. Nobody should be disappointed to not hear the news from the horse’s mouth this time!

August 14, 2006: 9 weeks 1 day

Nine weeks, nearing the double digits with respect to weeks!

I am now on Zofran for the nausea. It works reasonably well. It better. At about $22 a pill! Thanks insurance! Work days actually aren’t so bad for me. I sit at my desk most of my day anymore, instead of working in the lab. I guess that’s what happens as you move up the ranks. Less lab time more office time. I am able to sit here and say “gahhh” lots. Only a few people stare as they walk by.

I have decided that I should just limit the number of people that I tell I am taking meds for the nausea. A good friend of mine here at work responded with, “well I guess I just suffered through it and layed on my couch while my son crawled around the floor, I just viewed it as a rite of passage.” Even after stating that I wasn’t just puking once a day in the morning with nausea throughout the day, she acted a little self righteous about it all. And since she only works 16 hours a week as tech… laying on the couch most of the day is an option. I am a full time staff member with project responsibilities. Me = overly sensitive. I have to get through my days somehow. I am down 5 lbs (and my pants don’t fit any better, in fact, they barely fit anymore) and still a few weeks to go until I surmount this first trimester and hopefully rid myself of the nausea all together.

So nine weeks and all is well. Leif is pretty sure he is getting a baby mouse or a baby rabbit… V made my day today by dropping off a most delicious Starbucks gingersnap cookie. Moist, huge, what more could I ask for? Nothing. It made my day. And has now served to show me of a new addiction just waiting to happen.

The first appointment

A very uneventful appointment. I guess I looked green enough walking in that they didn’t even feel the need to give me a pregnancy test. Weight was fine (not telling, we will just call it 0 gain right now), bp was 102/60. No exam, internal or external. No necessity for a pap since I will birth at the time I am due for a pap and we will just do the pap at my post-partum exam.

We talked about the nausea and he switched me to Reglan from Compazine. Looking forward to trying that and seeing if I get anymore relief.

Aside from that we talked about kids, how much fun they are, their different stages, etc. He gave me the form to get my labwork done. Yippee. Reminded me that he will see us in 4 weeks to listen to the heartbeat, after that at 16 weeks we will schedule the 19 week ultrasound. The next appointment will be the halfway mark. Woah! Looking at it like that this pregnancy will certainly fly? Won’t it? Can I just slow it down once she makes her appearance? I don’t want to blink after she is born.

August 7, 2006: 8 weeks 1 day

Only eight weeks? I have got to be at least twelve by now!

So after talking with a friend of mine last week I made the call to my doctor, who phoned me in a prescription for the nausea. Compazine. Lesson learned, do not, ever, in any instance, look up side effects of drugs on the internet. The whole swollen tongue, unable to speak coupled with anxiety (gee you think you would get anxiety from that?) thing made it really hard to swallow pill number one. Despite the fact that it is listed as a complication/allergy in elderly women. I sure feel elderly anymore! When does elderly start anyway? Is 30 the new 40, or is it the other way around? Anyways, the Compazine makes my day hit or miss. Saturday I was still puking a few times, Sunday was the best day I have had in weeks. Today is in between. Go figure.

We went to the Farmer’s Market this weekend to hear our friend’s band play. My kind of gig… where I can go hear the band at 10am Saturday morning. Awww, the life of a mom. Our friend is in my book club and so a number of girls from book club were there, only one that knows I am pregnant. I really wanted to come out and admit why I wasn’t at book club, not just “I was sick, but I was sick because I am pregnant”. But I am just not one that is very good at divulging personal info like that. September… they will learn then when I don’t drink. (Ok, I don’t drink *that* much!)

So it is just the same old here. Leif had his well child visit last week and we told our doctor that we are expecting number two. She will be a great resource I believe because her two sons are nearly the exact age separation. I love her attitude too, explaining that Leif will likely not be ready to potty train until the week before the baby is born, then the hard work comes, once they are potty trained and getting him to the potty… with a newborn baby attached to your left nipple.

Food issues are pretty much the same. I can tolerate a slightly wider range of food options now that I have been on Compazine. We had spring rolls last night and I was pleased that I ate three. I am still ok with chicken amazingly. Fresh tomatoes are still a no go. Basically I have regressed in my eating habits back to what I enjoyed from the time I was aged 7-17. Junk food is good, salad is tolerable, vegetables are the devil. As much as I want to say “oh all I am eating is low fat and I crave lots of vegetables”, I can’t. And those people who can say that right now just bug the crap out of me. I gained about 27 lbs with Leif I believe. This one is going to be a rotten little girl who makes me gain 40 lbs, makes my face break out and turns my hair to an oily mess, I just know it. Girls are like that you know.

August 1, 2006: 7 weeks 2 days

I have surfaced from a large abyss as of yesterday afternoon and this morning. I have been so, so sick. Vomiting 2-3 times a day, unable to do much of anything, and nausea all day long. Nausea even all night long. I stressed and stressed about a muy important meeting yesterday afternoon and prepped myself with the best sounding lunch (chicken strips from KFC). Since that point, things have been looking up. I didn’t puke last night, nor this morning. Although a few times this morning (after brushing my teeth, for example) I thought I was going to lose it.

I have realized that I am more miserable fighting the nausea, than if I just give it up and puke. There are times, however, when I realize that it is a particular trigger that is getting me and if I can just get past that, I will be fine. (Like the toothpaste.)

I don’t know if yesterday and this morning have just been a fluke, or if I am really coming up from the depths of vomitous misery to the level of all around (yet tolerable) nausea for good. I will hope for the later.

I don’t really have cravings per se yet, as much as a strong feeling of “don’t you dare put that in front of me”. Sunday night salmon actually sounded acceptable. I coupled it with corn and rice. Afterwards I discovered that my stomach actually had compartments. I threw up every single morsel of salmon, but managed to retain every single kernel or rice and corn. No joke. I took it as a sign and made a big dish full of rice pudding, which tasted fabulous AND stayed down.

Ok, so I lied. I do have cravings. They are just so weird and bordering on embarrassing. Let’s start with admitting the worst one right up front, McDonald’s Egg McMuffins. I have always enjoyed them, but haven’t partaken in years. We just don’t go to McDonalds. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with Mickey D’s necessarily, AB loves it, I love their fries (and Egg McMuffins). But we really try to avoid most fast food, so we don’t go. I really am not being smug when I say my son has never set food in a McDonalds. But we are to the point now where I think I may just keep it that way! He doesn’t need to know the place exists. That is, providing, I can get through this pregnancy without hauling him there every morning on my way into work.

The next craving? Chicken fingers/strips/nuggets. I *loated* chicken during my last pregnancy. Also turkey and that one has returned. However, I am still tolerating chicken amazingly well. Well enough to want chicken strips for lunch nearly every single day.

Ok, but here is a weird one. Salisbury steaks. That is lunch today. It is freakishly tasty, and even the little bin of mashed potatoes in my Banquet meal is incredibly satisfying.

Dinners? I could care less about. I feel bad for AB, he tries to have dinner ready every night. This usually starts with a phone call to me early afternoon inquiring about what I want to eat. My latest response is “nothing” or “I don’t care”. And it’s the truth. He can cook whatever and there is a good chance it will sit on the plate in front of me. When I was pregnant with Leif, this was no big deal. He would cook for himself and I would munch on whatever I could tolerate. This time around, Leif needs dinner too and our commitment to having sit down meals together as a family, has necessitated that dinner be made.

So who have I told so far? I am really trying to tell people close to us first. Last time I told a blabbermouth coworker, who promptly spilt the beans to everyone. And I had a good friend who was so offended that he heard from her and not me. My goal this time around is to not do that again. One of the admins in my building knows, because she guessed, but she has been sworn to secrecy. She confronted me the other day, upset that I hadn’t started telling people yet. I told her I just hadn’t really found the need. I work predominantly by myself and the projects I don’t, the PMs will just start working themselves into a tizzy about who is going to cover me while gone. Then she had a point though, “you should tell people because it is exciting, though!”

So yesterday C came to my office to visit. She looks fabulous too, after having lost 45 lbs. I told her I am pregnant and she was so thrilled. I know she has been pushing her husband to start trying, she wants a baby so badly. This might be the nail in the coffin for them. I know she would love to have kids near the same age. I was also really happy to tell C at this point since we are close. She won’t tell others, but will revel in knowing a “secret”.

I also came out to another friend of mine, I used to work with her husband. Now he is in a different area of the lab on different projects and I see them more socially, than professionally now. I told her because I am ditching book club tonight (thanks to the recent vomiting spree, just a little paranoid of getting too far away from the house) and also because she will be bringing her son to our house in about 10 days. So no secrets there.

I am a little nervous about telling people, it is still early afterall. But at the same time I am starting to enjoy telling people. After my first appointment a week from today, I am going to feel a whole lot better about sharing our news.