Welcome Skadi Jeanne!

Skadi Jeanne was born Friday, March 23, 2007 at 1:59pm. She weighed in at 7 lbs 15 oz and is 19".

We are home after a successful delivery! More details, birth story and pictures to come.

40 week appointment

Yeah, still here. Gah.

We went to my appointment this morning. Heartrate was good, 130's. Weight gain, 3 lbs... wow... but I swear it is all water. BP 126/64. (As AB says, "wow, that is high for you!")

Cervix, same as last week and not favorable. He said when he felt the babies head (internally and OUCH) that he pushed and the baby just floated up. Not engaged at all. He said he is starting to get concerned as the vast majority of moms at least have the baby engaged at just over 40 weeks. I don't.

He feels from positioning and such that the baby's back is against mine (all the kicking in the front of my ribs and the back pain I am having would jive with this) and the neck is arched, placing the baby's face looking down as I am standing up. This is not good. The baby really needs to tuck his/her chin and rotate to be favorable for delivery. That isn't to say we can't deliver the baby in this position, it is certainly possible as many women do, however, every day the baby gets bigger which becomes more difficult for that type of delivery.

We had a long talk with Dr. M about our options. I have always been fairly opposed to inductions without a strong medical need. My doctor is too. But going beyond 41 weeks-ish in any situation is what he deems a strong medical need. And he prefers second pregnancies to be on the lower side of that since second babies most often come earlier and later could indicate problems.

My options were presented as #1, to schedule an induction or #2, another NST on Friday, come back for an appt on Monday and if no baby schedule an induction for just past the 41 week mark.

Given the choice 2.5 years ago with Leif I would have opted for #2. I don't know if it is my age, my desire to finish this pregnancy, or just my fear of something happening to the baby (I was awake neurosing about the lack of movement at 3:30am), but we opted for #1.

I was given the option to pick my baby's birthday. I told my doctor that frankly, I didn't care to select a birthday. I want a day that works for all of us without a lot of external pressures. I asked him to pick for us. His suggestion was that I am admitted on Saturday night and we hope for a baby Sunday afternoon.

Saturday night the nurses will administer Cytotec to soften my cervix (likely every 4 hours). Then Sunday morning he will come in and we will start pitocin and hopefully deliver that afternoon.

My doctor is not one that is known in this area for having a high c-section rate, which is good. However, at this appointment today there was a lot of talk about the possible necessity for c-section on Sunday. I know he is just giving me all the possible scenarios, and I know intellectually that this is just another way to have a baby, and I am trying to look on the bright side of that meaning two more weeks paid off work, but I am still freaked out by this. I had such a good "easy" (if you can call any delivery easy) with Leif, I expected the same this time around. This pregnancy has been so vastly different though, I don't know why I expect the delivery to be the same.

He cited three possible scenarios with the induction that could warrent a c-section. We start the pitocin and I don't progress. Second, I get halfway dilated and we may find out there is a reason the baby isn't descending or I could fail to progress at that point. Third is that the baby is just too big, or can't get its head around my pelvic bone to come out and I can't push him/her out. The later two are things that can happen even if I go into labor on my own.

I feel like this post is a jumbled up mess of words. The appointment was hours ago and I am still processing it all with mixed emotions. I left the appointment in tears (dang hormones).

NST Day

AB and I dropped Leif at daycare and drove down to our hospital. We were greeted and both of us felt a little nauseated seeing a teeny tiny new baby taken by. Oh my goodness we are going to have one of those in a matter of days. We were taken into the triage room where my belly was equipped with two monitors, one for movement and one for heartrate. The nurse who worked with us was super and I would be thrilled to have her as a L&D nurse.

After about 30 minutes of monitoring she comes back and tells us everything looks super. The heartrate is strong and constant and movement is good. So once they relay the information to the doctor's office and they agree, we will be released. At that point she had to "go catch a baby" and handed us off to another nurse who was to call the doctor's office.

A half hour goes by and we hear nothing. Finally Miss Grump comes in complaining about that no one told her that Dr. M was out of town (it was on the board I saw when we walked in) and so she had been paging him for a half hour. After a couple pages, why not call the office? AB and I were less then impressed and both are HOPING she doesn't show up in our L&D room when our day finally comes.

So all in all, NST was fine, all that worrying last night for nothing! It is 8pm now and I have had a few contractions while sitting, although they weren't consistent. Still though, enough to make me hopeful I might go into labor tomorrow... or the next day? 12 hours till my doctor is back in the office and I can be assured that HE will deliver me. I can make it! I see the light!

I'm going to be pregnant forever

I am nearly positive.

Early this week I was having contractions when I would stand up and walk around. Those contractions are just common place now. I hardly even notice them anymore.

Right now I am just really looking forward to my non-stress test on Monday. I am paranoid about everything at this point. Is the baby moving enough? Too much?

I had one with Leif as well and it was all ok. I sat in a room in the hospital, with my feet up and monitors on my belly. When I felt the baby move I clicked a button. After an hour or so (maybe less) they came in and looked at the results. Leif was a-ok, heartrate was constant without fluctuations, he was moving regularly and I was allowed to continue being pregnant for a few more days.

The idea is not to have to stay at the hospital after the NST. There is only really one reason they would keep me without me being in labor, that would be if the baby was in distress. And if that is the case, then there is a chance for c-section. Which is NOT what I want. So everyone hope for an uneventful NST on Monday.

My doctor is back in town on Tuesday, I see him Wednesday and I have pretty well reconciled myself to the fact that we will probably be inducing on Thursday, if I haven't gone into labor at that point.

I have no signs of impending labor save for the contractions while standing and walking that have been going on for nearly a week now. Maybe it was talking to my doctor on Wednesday and now it is Saturday night, but I have no expectations of going into labor anytime soon.

Unfortunately Thursday night my mom was taken to the hospital (in Colorado) instead of me. I would have traded her places, easy. She had a hernia that caused a bowel obstruction. She is ok now and no need for a bowel resection, thankfully. She is still planning on arriving here on Friday, with strict instructions not to lift anything more than a newborn. Leif will love that - mommy and grandma both out of commission. But what's important is that she is OK and all went well with the surgery.

As if the belly wasn't a big enough telltale sign...

A pregnant woman lives in this house. You might think the presence of chocolate chip cookies gives it away... only if you knew me and knew I don't normally bake cookies. (AB did comment tonight that "we are going to have to convince mommy to make more of these" to Leif though.)

No, the dead giveaway is that our air conditioning has been on during the day for the last four days. And it was NOT turned on by my Alaskan blood husband. Though he is relishing it.

39 week appointment

Stats:
Gained 1 lb - total 24 lbs gained this pregnancy
BP - 120/60
Heartrate - 126 bpm

I have been having contractions since Sunday, the problem is that when I sit down they go away. I thought last night might have been a turning point for me when I was woken three times by contractions, mild contractions, but a few while laying down. I was optimistic that today would be the day. Maybe I wouldn't even make it to my appointment? I thought of all the things like how would V get Leif's suitcase if we took Leif to daycare and went to the hospital? (Made mental note to tell her the garage door code to get in and get his bag as well as a key to the house, and to tell her to take the Morrocan short ribs in the crock pot... certainly if I made a big crock pot meal we wouldn't be there to eat it... right?)

I tried to work on Monday, but it was just fruitless. I was emotional, I didn't want to be there, I was done. I needed to be home. Tuesday my doctor wrote me out of work. I am officially on leave and my doctor feels strongly that I should not be at work and that yes, I should be home at this point, no doubt. We will see if the underwriter for my short term disability feels the same way...

Once again, the appointment did not follow the plan that I would walk in and he would check me and tell me the baby was on the way. Instead, there was much discussion and one seemingly perplexed doctor. (Never a great feeling.)

He checked me once and then went back for a second check. My dilation was of a conical nature. He declared me "wide open" on the external side of the cervix and "barely open" on the internal side. Last week the baby had moved down and he could feel the head on my cervix and not externally. This week, the baby's head was felt external. He feels that until the baby drops more, I will not go into labor. The contractions I am having are moving my external cervix along, but until the baby moves down I will not dilate from the inside. He is concerned.

My doctor is out Saturday, Sunday and Monday. He has me scheduled for a non-stress test on Monday morning and providing all is well, I will see him again a week from today for my 40.5 week exam. If at that point things are the same (and hinted that he thought it was likely they would be), he would like to schedule an induction for Thursday, Friday or Saturday.

I told him I would prefer to proceed naturally, of course. I am not relishing the thought of an induction, but am willing to keep an open mind. A healthy baby is paramount in my mind.

I was a week overdue with Leif and truthfully, fine with that. I was nervous, frightened of birthing a baby. I don't have those fears this time around - probably because I had such a fantastic birth experience with Leif. I went into labor naturally at 41 weeks and birthed him after finally accepting an epidural with no complications and minimal tearing (1 stitch).

The thought of being a week overdue this time is not only frustrating to me (knowing what is on the other side and how bad I want to meet this baby), but with a second pregnancy raises flags.

We will see what happens. The baby may drop (again and further) and I may go into labor. I hope.

I'm better now

I came home and am feeling much better now. I needed to be in my environment, to be comfortable and apparently to nest.

I have done loads and loads of laundry, not that it needed to be done. I also cleaned out my sock drawer. I set up the changing station in our bedroom, then I cleaned the kitchen.

And if this isn't nesting... I don't know what is... I made chocolate chip cookies. I am not a cookie baker. Ok, I am not much of a baker to start with. I have a few recipes I make and will occasionally venture to a new recipe, but a baker I am not. A cook, yes, I love to cook.

I also watched about three episodes of Sopranos as I did all this. I needed to catch up on the last partial season to prepare for the final season this April.

So not up for this

I am going home.

I have been here 52 minutes and everyone who has walked by my office has stopped and said, "you are still here! I thought for sure it would be this weekend."

And everytime someone even pauses at my door I feel the tears coming on. Do not stop, just keep walking. Don't say anything to me.

We walked a lot yesterday, I worked in the yard (my roses are pruned nicely with the exception of the top of the arbor since AB laughed when I said I needed the ladder). Contractions got going pretty good at a few points. But simply the act of sitting down caused everything to return to normal.

I am just not up for today. So I am going home.

Oh and finally here is a belly shot from our walk yesterday. Ignore the funky hair thing. Leif was trying to kiss my belly... but either his aim sucks or I am big enough it is easy to assume that everything looks like belly.

Yes, I am still here

The comments started in the parking lot today as a woman I know yelled from her car, "Oh you are here! I figured you were at the hospital!"

"Nope," I replied, "I was at my son's daycare."

Things escalated all day. I am so tired of talking about this pregnancy and the fact that I haven't had the baby, and that I look like I could pop (blaming the clothes I am left with) and answering questions about not knowing the gender and no we aren't sharing names I could puke.

Add in that I also apparently can't even call anyone, because as soon as they see my number on caller ID they assume I am calling to say we are on the way to the hospital or are there.

Cannot talk about it anymore. Bye.

38 week appointment

AB stayed home to work on his presentation and paper. I arrived and the receptionist couldn’t find me on the roster. I showed her my card that said today and that time, she got my chart and they took me back. The nurse asked me why I was there today… I haven’t found her to be the brightest bulb. Umm, I am here for my 38 week appointment (have you looked at my chart?). Do I not look like I am about to burst? Have you not seen me weekly for the last three weeks? Yet it was like I didn’t even register to her.

My bp was 120/60, a little higher than it has been to this point. I didn’t gain any weight (total weight gain is sitting at 23 lbs). Dr. M came in and was cheery as always. I felt like a big dud. I was tired, not feeling great and frankly ready for him to say, “yep, there it is, that baby is coming out now!” Oh well.

Heartrate was 132 and sounded good and steady. He went to feel for the head and where it is normally sticking out of my lower abdomen, it was gone. He asked me if the baby flipped. I said I really doubted it, in fact this morning while I was walking around a lot I sure felt a lot of pressure. He said the baby may have dropped and good thing we planned to do an internal.

I wiggled and scooched around far too much for a half naked pregnant woman in an effort to get into the stirrups and rear at the base of the bed. So not a pleasant position. And wow, the internal was also NOT anything remotely pleasant. I found my fists clinging to each side of the table. Cervix was high, but soft, baby’s head was on the cervix and no real dilation, though it might be starting. He estimated I should deliver in 7-10 days.

7-10 days! That seems like such a long time!! AB is right… this baby is going to come on my due date and we will never again celebrate our anniversary! Oh well… if it happens that way then so be it. But you know… I really, really would prefer to have this baby this weekend.

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Oh and evidently Rock Turtle is no longer Leif's preferred baby name... it is now Rufus Rosie.

Where in the world?

March 5, 2007: 38 weeks 1 day

I just need to get through the next few days. Today was emotionally difficult. This weekend and last night was physically difficult. I want a glass of wine (a BIG glass of wine) to relax with. I want to not be out of breath everytime I go answer the phone. (Which means if you call my house and I sound out of breath, do NOT ask me why I am out of breath.) Along those same lines, don’t walk by my office and say “well guess the full moon didn’t do it for you”. Don’t tell me I am not big enough to be 38 weeks (as if there is no way I am ready to have this baby) and don’t tell me “wow, you’re getting really big” (and especially don’t add on, are you sure you aren’t further along then you think?).

Last night I started having painful, irregular contractions. About every 10 minutes or so. Painful enough that I was trying to remember my breathing exercises. I knew in my head, it wasn’t time. I didn’t have painful contractions with Leif until I was at the hospital, it built up. Not just suddenly *blammo pain*. So I knew if I could relax, they would go away. After sitting on my exercise ball they did go away.

I think the thing that scared me most was how panicked AB got when I told him how much pain I was in and the thought that it could be time. Last time around my mom was here as an additional support person. This time around it is just AB and I. I know we will be fine, but it is just dawning on me now that not only is it just the two of us but we have a third little being to deal with too. It isn’t just us getting in the car and going to the hospital. Our wonderful friends are taking care of Leif and while I know that he loves them and we trust them, it is still different and more stressful then the first time around with having another person to organize and be cared for.

I got a lot done this weekend. The nursery is nearly set up. My bag is packed and with a little list inside of last minute things to grab, like my blow dryer. I don’t think my hospital had a blow dryer to use… my brush and comb, my cell phone charger. Things like that. I packed Leif’s bag as well and hopefully can convince him to leave it zipped and leave all the items in there. Just a few things to grab for him on the way out, his blankey and pillow mainly. I can’t help but think that I am missing a gazillion things. My bag is packed and it is about halfway full. (Leif’s bag otoh, is full and probably overpacked.)

My ongoing list of things to do is pretty much complete. The nursery needs a little refinement, but nothing that can’t be dealt with when we get home. The cosleeper needs to be attached to the bed and the changing pad set up in our bedroom on the dresser. So I really need to clear that off at least. I need to wash all the receiving blankets and burp clothes (tonight).

The goal for this week was to get through today (my industry project banquet and awards ceremony was this evening). Tomorrow Leif has a dental appointment for his chipped filling (and we are attempting to do this without sedation, someone brace me). I have my ob appointment tomorrow. Book club tomorrow night (which I am pretty sure I am skipping just based off how difficult my last few evenings have been). Wednesday is AB’s seminar presentation. Thursday morning we are scheduled to observe primary rooms at Leif’s daycare. If this gets knocked off the schedule because I am in labor then we will reschedule. Or just go with our gut on which room he is going into (trying to restrain myself from being one of “those moms”).

Beyond oblivion

I had to e-mail my former post-doc mentor today with a question. I spent nearly 30 minutes on the internet looking for an answer before succumbing, very reluctantly. The e-mail I got back was a non-answer. Actually it was an answer, but not the one I was looking for. But after the answer was a statement of Congratulations, he just heard yesterday that I was pregnant again.

He walks by my office probably once a day on average. Beyond oblivion. That's the new record!